Wednesday, May 18, 2011

phil and me part 3

the '06-'07 school year started and it was seriously one of my favorite years of my life. i was a junior and phil was a senior (i know, older men are better right?) we started the year as a couple. in fact it was nearing the end of august and we had been together almost a month (plus the 5 months of seeing each other before that) without one little kiss. nothing. i was waiting until he was ready, but i was growing impatient. i didn't feel like we needed to be physical all the time or anything, but i really liked my boyfriend and was attracted to him so naturally, i wanted to kiss him. well one night we took a walk to a little park and we bought some shakes along the way. we were swinging on the swings and just having a good time talking. he gave me a hug and as i pulled away, i used to do this thing where i would look up at him and pretty much making it obvious what i wanted to happen. as he came closer to me i thought, "oh gee, he's going to think i'm trying to make him kiss me!" so i put my head down.. but then he pulled my face back up and gave me the best kiss of my entire life. : ) it was sweet and just lovely, right there at the park next to the slide and swings. then the second time he kissed me that night, he asked me for permission... a little late for that fella! : )

september came around and my family had made the decision to move to georgia. unfortunately that meant i wouldn't see my house again since i was at school in ohio and they had to be in georgia pretty soon for my stepdad to start his job. well, phil came to the rescue and told me he would ask his baseball coach for the weekend off to take me to michigan to see my family and house again before the big move. it was even his birthday weekend! he spent his birthday painting my parents' garage..... what a great guy, right? he wasn't even unhappy about it either! so after driving me 4+ hours there and back again to school, helping us pack up the house, painting our garage and missing baseball and his birthday (at least a more fun birthday) on the way back to school when we stopped for gas he asked me if i needed anything from inside.. i said no, but i was just blown away. here he was, basically making me owe him my life with all these favors, and he is still giving. that is the moment i knew i was in love with him. i started to cry when i realized it and i was kind of in shock. i wasn't expecting it, at least not yet! after all, we had only been in an official relationship for a month and a half! that's too soon, right?...... : )

then in october one night we were walking along a rocky path by the school. he kept staring at me and tripping over rocks so i told him to watch where he was going "for heavens sake". he told me he would rather look at me. now while i will admit this is corny, this is exactly what my grandpa had said to my grandma when they were dating. ever since i heard the story i thought it was so sweet and romantic and i prayed one day my husband-to-be would say it to me. so when he said it i knew, october 2006 i was going to marry this man some day. i was absolutely certain of it from that moment on. of course i didn't tell him that, he is a much slower mover than i am.

the year was spent going on about a billion romantic walks, studying together, a few romantic dates sprinkled in there (hey we were college kids with no money!), going to my roomie's wedding followed by phil holding me while i cried since she was no longer my roomie, listening to michael buble every time we were in the car together, attending junior senior together... and finally the night.

one of our many walks we took around cedarville

a photo scavenger hunt... i am not sure what the idea was here. maybe to look as weird as possible? haha

us at clifton mill... an awesome place at christmas with tons of lights everywhere!

at my roomie's wedding!

elliv in the spring. basically cedarville's student award show/our version of oscar night... kinda..

junior senior banquet. affectionately known as js.


our shoes enjoying js.


it was april and i had been in love with phil since september, remember? well he had yet to tell me he loved me, so i was trying my hardest to keep my feelings of love to myself until he was ready. and it was now april. it was making me go crazy! one day i realized that maybe i should open up to him about the things i had done in my past. i had a few boyfriends before phil and i had made some huge mistakes with a couple of them. i won't go into detail here, but i hadn't respected my body or truly realized it didn't belong to me and that it wasn't mine to give. i didn't demand respect of that fact from the guys i dated until phil came along. i had never (only by the grace of God) fully given my body away, but i had still crossed too many lines. i had never been completely open about that with phil. he knew there was a past there, but i never spoke of the details. just that i had repented of that and God had totally changed me and showed me who i was in Him and as His daughter, my body isn't mine to give to anybody i choose. i am only to entrust it to my husband, and that is how our relationship had been. i gave him the option of knowing everything about that part of my past and he said he did want to know. so one night we went away from the school and i sat there and cried and told him everything. i wondered what this would do to our relationship and his feelings for me since, to my knowledge, he wasn't even in love with me yet! i thought, "now he will never love me, but he has a right to know if he wants." if he was going to love me, he would have to accept all of that. well, you know what that guy did? after i cried and told him every dirty thing from my past, you know what he had to say to that?? he said he loved me...!!! i was shocked that he chose that moment. that he could even love me at that moment.. then to choose it to say for the first time? i am pretty sure i said, "are you sure?" and he was. : ) then we were officially in love. yay!!

then one of the worst days ever came. phil was graduating the next day. i was going home to georgia the next day. then after a summer of training for teach for america, phil was moving to st. louis to live and work. 6 hours away from cedarville. we had no idea what was in store for us, only that we were going to be apart. really far apart. and we had no clue when we would be able to see each other again. it was the beginning of may and we weren't sure if we'd be able to see each other again until the fall... some time... it was crushing and devastating to me. i know this is totally dramatic and looking back i am like, come on. what, 4 months? get over it! but it was so terrible to me. i had seen him every day, and now our whole relationship was changing. we didn't know when we would see each other, how often we would, and he was now onto a completely different phase of life. he was starting a career, moving to a big city, becoming an adult. and i was still just a college kid. i cried. and cried. then i cried some more. and then even more, just for good measure. it was a horrible, terrible night. it broke my heart to walk away from him that night, not knowing the next time i would ever see him. 


  1. I'm falling in love with this story even more. It's so beautiful. I love the pictures, and how ya'll waited so long to say "I love you". I know the wait is hard, but it sounds to me like it was worth it! :) I can't wait to read part 4!

  2. aww i get little chill bumps! this is such a sweet story! :) can't wait for the next chapter!!


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