Wednesday, September 5, 2012

the best thing that ever happened to me.

little miss lydia jane is here. she's 2 weeks old today and i really can't believe that.

here she is 1 day old in the hospital.
she was born wednesday, august 22nd at about 3 pm. she weighed 6 lbs 13 oz and she's the most beautiful little baby in the world.
on thursday, august 16th i went in to my obgyn for my 39 week appointment. i had extremely high blood pressure at 140/100 and protein in my urine (which is apparently really bad). i had also gained 3 lbs in one week, which is also bad and may be a sign of pre-eclampsia. they sent me straight to the hospital for monitoring throughout the day. if my blood pressure remained that high they would have induced me that day. it thankfully went back down a bit so my midwife felt comfortable letting me go home. i had been having issues with blood pressure throughout the second half of my pregnancy, so we decided i would have the weekend to let her get a little bit more ready for life outside, then we would induce labor monday night.
we went to the hospital monday evening around 7 pm. they started me on cervidil at about 8 pm. i was only 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced, so they needed to soften my cervix before they could start me on pitocin. i had the cervidil in for 12 hours and it was removed the next morning to start pitocin. i started contracting on my own before pitocin was started, so i was optimistic about the day. throughout the day though i was maxed out on pitocin and my contractions were 2-4 minutes apart, but they weren't intense enough to bring miss lydia out. they were pretty wimpy and i knew it. i was able to talk and laugh with my family all day without any issues, so i had a bad feeling she wasn't coming that day.
by 4 pm they stopped the pitocin so i could eat and shower. i wasn't allowed to eat anything while in "labor" so i was actually relieved when they stopped everything. the frustrating part was that even if it wasn't intense, i had been in labor all day and when they checked me i was only 2 cm and 70%. even so, it was nice to stop everything and get a break and prepare for the next, most horrible of experiences.
that evening my midwife told me they could do another round of cervidil (which i didn't think would do much so i didn't love that option) or we could use some sort of foley catheter bulb to manually dilate me. she thought that was the best option, so i agreed. this was a mistake. well, in the end it worked and helped me deliver my little girl, but oh. my. gosh. was it horrible. basically they stuck a tube through my cervix, then they inflate it with a solution to artificially dilate me. it wouldn't have been so bad except that my cervix is so high and far back that i thought she was going to push the baby up through my face. it was completely terrible. i had to leave it in all night and it was horribly uncomfortable and kind of painful. not to mention awkward because there were tubes coming out and taped to my leg. it was quite an experience.
by morning i got a new midwife. michael. i was surprised at seeing a male midwife, but all i wanted was for him to take the terrible tubes out. when he did that and checked me, i was 6 cm dilated. the only problem is that since it was done manually, there was no guarantee my body would respond with real contractions, even on pitocin. michael decided to break my water in order to help the process, then pitocin was started. that's where it all started to progress super fast.
this all happened about 10 am i think. the nurse started me on pitocin and i started feeling contractions. like, real ones. legit make you want to punch people in the face for asking you questions kind of contractions. i knew these were the real deal. they were no joke. i had planned on having an epidural, so when the nurse told me she wanted me to have a "few" regular contractions before calling for the epidural i was a little annoyed. i was particularly annoyed after a "few" turned into a lot and instead of calling for my epidural, the nurse was emptying the trash cans in my room..... um, no. i am told at this point i became kind of a handful. i don't remember much except the pain. apparently i asked the nurse how much longer it would be and she said she was just about to call until my husband asked her a question, which i have been told earned him a death glare from me. i don't recall this, but i totally believe it.
after the epidural things got a little fuzzy for me. and everything happened so fast. suddenly i was given a mask for oxygen because the baby was in distress. every time i had a contraction her heart rate would get messed up. i don't really fully understand what was happening because i was sort of in a fog. the nurse was telling my family about the problem instead of telling me. i was confused and in pain and i felt like the mask was kind of a barrier. i know it was necessary, but it didn't allow me to ask any questions or try to figure out what was going on.
the nurse started preparing for a c section. she was trying to take blood, calling people and basically running around kind of panicked. then whenever i had a contraction she was glued to the monitor, worrying about the baby. my family all came around to pray that lydia would come out on her own and that we wouldn't need a c section. it was a scary few minutes, and i didn't fully realize how scary. i didn't really care what had to happen though, i just wanted her safe. i was feeling so much fear for her, then suddenly i was in so much pain. i was feeling enormous pressure and pain, and when they checked they realized lydia had come down on her own, i was fully dilated, and i was just about ready to push. they gave her a little more time to see if she'd come down any more on her own so i wouldn't have to push as long.
michael came back to deliver her and i swear i love that man. i barely had a chance to talk to him or get to know him at all, but i love him for taking such good care of us. i pushed for about 35 minutes or so, and then she was out!
i really can't describe that first moment when i knew she was here in the world. i suddenly just burst into tears because i was so happy and relieved. he set her on my stomach for a minute and she was still kind of yucky and she was a grey-green kind of color, but she was the most beautiful thing i had ever seen. she was wiggling around and i immediately loved her.
i needed a lot of stitches and she needed to be cleaned and looked at. apparently when she came out the cord was wrapped around her neck twice. i didn't know that until much later and it makes me cry just thinking about it. phil said they told him that was probably the reason for her distress, but everything was perfect and her apgar score was a 9. the nurse said she was shocked at how quickly things turned around and she was sure i would be having a c section. i know it was because i had so many people praying for me and the Lord was looking out for me and baby Lydia.    
the induction was such a long process. i am still not sure if it was the best decision or not. phil thinks it was because if we would have waited longer to go into labor naturally, the cord situation could have gotten even worse. that's what the people at the hospital told him anyway. in the end our beautiful, perfect baby girl was born so i really can't say it was the wrong decision. it was just a very trying and difficult process that maybe could have been avoided if my blood pressure hadn't been so crazy. either way, labor is hard so i'm not sure we'll ever know if there was a "best option". i just thank God for this crazy little munchkin he put in our lives.


she is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. i'm so excited to watch her grow and find out the person she is going to become. she truly is a little miracle baby that God has put in our lives and i'm so blessed and thankful that i get to be her mom. 

Thursday, July 26, 2012

an important post.

i was on facebook today and stumbled across a link to this post about the magic mike movie. i was so happy to read what mrs. gore had to say. thank God there are people that are standing up for Godly principles and marriages.

i agree with her that there are real men out there who need to be admired and praised for who they are. i do not know the actors personally (obviously), but i don't think being handsome and muscular is all that makes a guy a man. everything she said about what she believes makes a man a man are things i have seen in my own husband. i know it exists because i am married to it : ).

i truly believe that we are getting too relaxed in what we find entertaining. i want to be careful about everything i watch and read. my husband and i were just discussing the other day that a "fantasy guy" can be just as dangerous in a marriage as a man viewing pornography. if i build up a perfect man in my mind (whether he is a fictional character or a real person i build up and idolize in my head) then i will compare my husband to him just as i would be afraid he would compare pornographic images to me. and i think in both instances we would find the other lacking. that's just asking for trouble. i do not want any other men in my head that i consciously or unconsciously compare my husband to that may prove him to be lacking. those characters and figures aren't real, just as many women who pose nude are airbrushed and digitally enhanced to look perfect. it's the same thing. both images are left in the mind and leave real people looking pale in comparison.

i love my husband for being a real man and i wouldn't want to have a fake image of a "man" in my head to compare him to that would tarnish the way i see him. i am not going to see magic mike or read fifty shades of grey for the same reason i would not want my husband looking at other women. i don't want to have romantic or sexual thoughts about any man other than phil buben. i expect the same out of him. i love and respect him as the head of our household, and what kind of disrespect would that be to regard other men higher than him? the man who loves me, takes care of me, and provides for our household deserves my highest respect. so i don't consider it a big sacrifice to avoid certain books or movies. in the end i am getting something much better; an accurate and Godly view of the man i married. that's worth so much more than being "entertained" for a matter of a couple hours.

i don't judge people who like certain books or movies. i feel it's important to say this is how I FEEL and i believe every person has different convictions. if reading about edward cullen doesn't make you look at your husband and wish he was more this or that, then go ahead and read. i just realize certain characters have done a little damage to my view of my husband as i unconsciously compared him to them, so this is me saying i am going to be more intentional about what i read, watch and what i think about other men. the only man who matters is my husband and i plan to have the best view of him possible.

Monday, July 16, 2012

lydia's nursery.

okay, it is finally done. it feels like it's been foreverrrr but the nursery is finished! now i am anxious for lydia to get here so she can use it. well also so i might be able to breathe again and not get heartburn from bending over... but the point is i just want her here! i hope these last few weeks go by quickly.

almost everything in this nursery is diy or handmade. i kept a budget going for the room and i expected to spend probably around $1000 by the end of it. i figured with furniture, decor, paint, bedding, and everything else a baby needs that was a good estimate. well, in the end we spent $390. that's all. people have been so generous and we have just found so many ways to save money (mostly by making everything ourselves).

so let me show you how this room started.


this is the only angle i have of this room. basically because nothing else was done. we had phil's office in the corner... and that's it. oh and his bike was on the other side of the room. so i never took any pictures. and occasionally it was a huge mess because he likes to be able to spread out all his school papers. so because of that, i decided to never really work on it. and it was a sad room to be in. and i basically never went in there.

but now it is a lovely nursery. so i am basically just gonna post a ton of pictures now.


and just because they are adorable, here are some shots of her bumgenius diapers and little clothes!

i love her little jammies!

 so needless to say, i like this room a little better now. i can't wait for lydia to use it. it's probably my favorite room now. sometimes i just go sit in there and rock and enjoy all the work that was done. only another month until i can rock lydia! well, on the outside of my body anyway : ).

Linking up to thrifty decor chick's before and after party!

TDC Before and After

Friday, July 13, 2012

surviving pregnancy.

this right here is a list of my top 10 favorite things that have helped me this far in my pregnancy. i like top ten lists. actually i just like lists. in fact, making lists might be number 11. so there's a bonus for you. i have made more lists in the last 8 months than probably ever in my life. and i love it. lists are the best. okay. here we go.


i should probably mention here and now, this list is not in order of importance. it's in my random brain order. if you get pregnant, get this book. this is basically everything you need/want/didn't want to know about pregnancy. i know, it's an obvious one but i have looked to this book countless times to help me through stuff. and there is so much random stuff that happens to your body that nobody bothered to mention, so whenever you freak out it's nice to open the book and read that you're not dying and your random crazy pain symptoms are normal. helpful. get it.


 yah. this is a baby boppy pillow. we found one (the exact one on our registry, actually) for $10. they sell for like, $40 or some crazy thing. but even at full price, totally worth it. do yourself a favor and get this pillow before baby comes and test it out. i have been sleeping with this pillow on and off for the last 15 weeks or so and it helps so much. and is cheaper than a full body pillow. and you'll use it for baby. and it won't make your husband feel like he is on the other side of the great wall of china. i love it.


these old navy shorts. i love them. one of the best purchases i made this pregnancy. i seriously wear them almost every day. they are so comfortable and the band covers my whole belly and pretty much stays put, so i'm not always pulling my shorts up. plus they don't cost you your first born child. and old navy has sales all the time, which is when i got these for about $20. i tell you what, i am excited for pregnancy to be almost over, but i will be sad to see these shorts go. i might shed a little tear when i pack them away... so comfy... sigh


this water bottle is awesome. i use it every. day. i take it everywhere. we sort of have a love/hate relationship now that i am constantly having to pee, so it makes me want to punch water in the face, but it is still awesome. apparently i was not drinking enough water before pregnancy. they say you should drink 8 glasses or some crazy stuff, i don't know. my doctor told me 2 liters a day while pregnant. this seemed impossible and nuts to me at first. i could only picture those big bottles of soda and thinking i would explode if i had that much liquid in me. then i found out the water helps keep you from swelling up like mad, keeps you and baby healthy, and it cleans out and replenishes the baby's fluid that she lives in. i mean, if i would keep a fish bowl clean and i find it super gross when one is dirty then.... well, you get it. this bottle has markings along the side of how much fluid is in it. it takes out all guess work and math, which is awesome because i hate math. i just refill it a couple times a day and keep it close by and magically it helps me stay hydrated.

oh which i have to say, i had to go to the hospital a couple times so far because of my gallstones. when i first got there, the nurses were determined to tell me it was because i was dehydrated (we didn't know about the stones then) and i was like, "nuh uh. my awesome water bottle wouldn't let that happen!" and they were like, "oh everyone gets dehydrated..." and i was like, "well not me! not with the way i've been drinking!" and guess what. they were shocked to find i was NOT dehydrated. so me and my water bottle showed them. i'm telling you. i love this water bottle.


this swimsuit is awesome. i found it at motherhood maternity. it's so cute, it was about $28 on sale, and it is comfortable. it covers and supports everything. i was wondering if i needed a suit at all because i thought i might not feel like going to a public pool all giant and pregnant. um the answer is yes. i love being in the pool. the water carries the baby for awhile and gives my back and every other sore joints a break. it's awesome. get a bathing suit if you're pregnant. don't worry about what you might look like. who cares? you're growing a human. that is a free pass.


i never had heartburn in my life. never ever. when i read in the pregnant girl book that i will most likely have it i was like, nah not me. i never have. i wouldn't even know what it was if i did get it. um. no. yesterday i got heartburn from eating yogurt. not cool. everything is all jammed together in your body so there is basically no room for your digestive system. or anything else. just baby. so most likely most women will get it. and it's terrible. but you can take these magic pills (i try not to take them often.. only if i am having a lot of trouble or it keeps me from sleeping) and then heartburn goes away. and then you can feel like you have a little control over what happens in your body. even though you really don't.


slow cookers. even during the summer. during this pregnancy this little guy has helped me feel like i am still an okay wife. i have a lot more energy in the morning than i do in the evenings. by evening all i want to do is sit with my feet up and drink tea. and talk to my husband. and not cook. or do dishes. so this little baby helps me do that and not make my husband make dinner every night. and not spend a fortune going out because i can't possibly gather the energy to make it myself. i love it. there are so many awesome recipes where you basically just throw a bunch of stuff in during the morning and by evening it's magically dinner. and then phil thinks i'm awesome. and i feel awesome for being 34 weeks pregnant and still making him dinner every night. well okay, not every night. but.. quite a few anyway...


this is apparently the part where i talk about food. which is important to a pregnant girl. i love tortillas. i would eat milk and cereal in a tortilla if i could. it makes anything a meal. i could chop a bunch of vegetables, throw them in a tortilla with some dressing or cream cheese and bam, dinner. i could brown some beef, throw in some taco seasoning, then throw it in a tortilla. we have them on hand all the time. seriously. at all times. come over and look in my fridge. you will see tortillas. and i just realized they probably don't need to be in the fridge.... but that's just where we always keep them... anyway, they have made dinners during this pregnancy way easier. and lunch. and the occasional breakfast burrito.


for some unknown reason i crave these like nuts. i really try to limit myself. i certainly don't have one every day or even every week. but when i'm out grocery shopping with phil i pick one up as a treat. or sometimes phil will just stop and get one and bring it home to surprise me. i know that doesn't sound like that great of a surprise, but it is. when there is one thing in life you crave and a person surprises you with it, it is like winning the lottery. i love these things. probably too much. like, as in it makes me sad when i take the last bite. pregnancy does weird things to a person. i have never been so sad about candy being gone in my life haha.


granny smith apples. whoa. i loved these before i was pregnant. now i want to live in an apple house with apple pets. which would actually be sad because i would want to eat them... so maybe i just want to have them in my fridge. all the time. this is another thing we always have. they are crisp, juicy, sour, a little sweet, and so yummy. and they are everything i want in a food since probably the day we conceived. i love them. these would have been number 2 and the candy would be number 1 if i'm being honest, but i wanted to seem like i care about being healthy. well, maybe they are tied. i don't know. don't ask me to choose.

so these are my favorite things that helped me be pregnant with so much success. actually i am not sure how to measure success during pregnancy, but it probably has to do with still being able to feel good and be happy most of the time. and if i'm going to be completely honest, i couldn't make it through any of it without this guy

not only because i couldn't have made the baby without him since these things take 2, but because he helps me in so many ways every single day. he supports me, listens to me, buys me 3 musketeers, he stays up with me when i have terrible gallstone pain and can't sleep, he rushed me to the hospital twice without ever complaining or even thinking about it, he helped me make a nursery for our baby, he went to three baby showers with me so i wouldn't have to be there as the center of attention by myself (since i hate that!), he reads the what to expect book so he knows and understands what's going on with me, and most importantly he prays for me all the time. he has done countless other things to help me get through this pregnancy, and i love him so much more for it because i see him being an amazing husband and becoming a great dad. this is what i hope everyone has when they go through a pregnancy. i don't know how i'd do it any other way.

so i guess that's actually 12 things, if you count lists and phil as things. so i maybe should have said this is my top 12 list, but 10 sounds better. and shorter. top 10 it is. : )

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

34 weeks.

hey guys! it's been awhile. about 15 weeks actually... but i thought a little update on life would be good.

i've been gone from the blog for awhile mainly because i haven't been doing many projects. the only project i've been working on (besides growing this little girl!) is the nursery. it has been slooowwww going. we started it when i was about 16 weeks and we still aren't finished! it's mostly because money. blech. stupid money. i had a small budget each month to work with, so once i spent my allowance i had to wait until the next month to do more projects. it has been so hard to wait all this time!

i originally wanted to be done with everything by the time i was 30 weeks... well that has clearly come and gone! so the new goal is 35 weeks. and.... in case you didn't notice... that's next week. right now all we are waiting on is stuff to get shipped here. we are waiting for the crib and bedding both to ship here. then i can finish up 2 little projects i have left... then WE'RE DONE! i can't wait! i will definitely take some pics and show you guys.

besides the nursery going slower than Slow Slowerson, pregnancy has been pretty good to me. even though it's been pretty great and i love carrying our daughter, it is not without its bad points. i have discovered an organ that i pretty much forgot even existed call mister gallbladder. apparently he was mad that i haven't thanked him for all his hard work of storing bile over the years because he came after me with a vengeance. seriously. i have had 7+ gallstone attacks since right about the 24th week. they are pretty horrible and basically feel like the worst stabbing back pain that ever existed, followed by the feeling that i swallowed rocks that are being thrown around by my organs. for real. call me crazy, but i didn't realize that when people have stones it literally feels like rocks moving around in your body. worst. feeling. ever.

this crazy gallbladder guy has caused 2 late night trips to the hospital with back pain which, in case you didn't know, "back pain" is one of those pregnant girl terms that basically means get to the hospital right away because it could be labor. scary. thank God it wasn't labor, but we finally did an ultrasound and found out i have stones. i met with a nice surgeon who politely told me i was "too big" to operate on now (haha) and that i would have to schedule the surgery about a month after i give birth. so in case having a newborn baby isn't enough, i get to have surgery too. apparently the surgery is "no big deal". that's what i keep being told.... all i know is that either way, i'm kicking this gallbladder out. he has become ornery and isn't doing his job. so he's fired.

and no i'm not sure why my gallbladder is male.

another small complication in recent times has been my blood pressure. i had pretty good bp up until last week. suddenly it went up and the doctors got a little worried. blood was drawn and they set up another appointment for this week to keep an eye on me. my body just can't seem to figure this stuff out. my organs and blood are all rebelling. it's chaos in here. sheesh.

despite all that and the super hot weather we've been having, i'm doing pretty good i'd say. so good in fact, i finally took a picture of my pregnant self for you. i know, you've all been waiting and hoping and praying i would. well, fear not. here it is

even though i felt like a fool taking pictures of myself in the bathroom mirror (in stripes no less..) i promised some people a picture like, weeks ago. also i figure some day i might want at least a few pictures to document this pregnancy. so here is the proof.

and just because it was so exciting to me that i changed the number to "6" today, i took a picture to document that too : )

this countdown started at 18 weeks. now we're down to 6!!! well, until my due date at least. and also you guys get a bonus announcement in there too. our baby girl's name is Lydia. Lydia Jane. she's totally a pride and prejudice themed baby. thankfully i don't know any female who doesn't love that book, so i don't think she'll be too upset about it.

i can't wait to meet her!!!!!

now if only her crib would get here.....

Monday, April 9, 2012

sugar and spice, or snips, snails, and puppy dog tails?

hey all!! here's a little update about us and the baby!

last sunday, april 1st was our baby shower in indianapolis! phil's family lives in that area, so we joined them for an extended weekend for a shower and fun family times : ). it was such a good time and the shower was lovely. i am so grateful that we have so many people in our lives who love us and our little baby!

speaking of loving our baby, i love HER so much more now! i loved the baby, even when she was an "it", but on thursday, march 29th our ultrasound confirmed that we are expecting a little girl in late august! I'M SO EXCITED!!!! she is beautiful and they said everything looks perfect. her little spine, brain, stomach, bladder, heart... everything! everything looks so good! we are just so happy about it! she's getting big and strong too, i feel her movements all the time now! i can't wait to meet her! just look at this face!

i also made one with labels since some people have had a hard time knowing exactly what they see:

she's so cute!!

i mean, okay. i know i'm her mother. so i know i am a teeny tiny bit biased... but look at that face! her beautiful little lips and big eyes and little nose!!! i could cry i love her little face so much!

okay. enough of gushing about her. even though i could carry on forever. but onto serious matters. like paint, ; )

which is what phil and i have been doing a LOT of. we painted the nursery a lovely light blue-green color. it's sherwin williams' aloe here on their website. i will certainly show pictures when i get a few more things done.

we are also in the process of converting this desk into a dresser/changing table/storage area for the baby

we already painted it sherwin williams overt green and we're going to install some shelving on the right side for more storage. we are also adding a little purple to the room in just a few accents. here is my color scheme

i want it to feel kind of like being outside.. i want it to be light and reflect the colors out her window. i am even thinking of adding some natural elements to add to the feeling... we'll see ; )

and here is a little sneak peek ; )

i am thinking i might spray paint the knobs white instead of silver... i love the shine of silver but bright white knobs on that green would be so cute. i am terribly undecided : )

so those are some fun updates for you! right now the living room is taken over by baby things that have yet to be washed and/or put away, but i wanted to finish the dresser first. lots of things have changed around here, so once i have the place a little more straightened up i'll let you in on everything. until then i'm just gonna keep wishing time would move faster so i can meet my little girl!

SW6464 AloeSW6464 AloeSW6464 Aloe

Thursday, March 22, 2012

rearranging is my game.

well i'm at it again. and by "it" i mean rearranging my furniture. well, sort of. basically we are trying to fit about 8 rooms into 1. we have to fit a living room, family room, office, dining room, cat furniture and soon lots of baby things all into our living space. our apartment basically has 2 rooms, 2 bathrooms and the kitchen/living room/sunroom/dining room are all one big space.

so it has become my mission to fit all those rooms into one space and still make it look pretty. and make it functional because i have 3 cats who use their big scratching post and cat tree every day. plus i will soon have baby furniture, like a swing, pack n play, jumperoo, bouncer and all sorts of things that will also need space. so that is what i have been up to lately. every weekend phil and i sort through just STUFF. i cannot believe after a move only 2 years ago and going through our clothing every year we still have so. much. stuff.

we really donate boxes full of stuff every year and end up throwing away bags of stuff that nobody in this world has need of.. and yet we are still going through our closets and taking loads of trash to the dumpster and boxes upon boxes to donation centers. it's pretty outrageous. in fact, our latest project was trying to get at least one side of the closet in the office emptied so once it becomes the nursery, that can be the baby's side of the closet. we succeeded, but now all my christmas boxes are sitting in my living room until we figure something out...... i don't love it.

soon i will show you guys some of my solutions. once i figure out what they are.. but for now i have something a little more fun.

after christmas i decided i really liked having a bright color with all the neutral and cool tones in my living room.. however, i didn't want red. so i went pink:

all this really cost me was the price of the pillow covers i found on etsy for around $30 for both and purchased with christmas money, a can of spray paint, and then my mom found that picture at garden ridge which happened to be so perfect for my apartment. i think it was also about $30.. it just so happened to have blue, green, pink and obviously i loved the bird. it ties all the colors together in here and i love it. you will have to forgive the cardboard on the corners. i was trying to decide if i was going to keep it.. you know how that goes : ).

so besides my abdomen and the growing baby, those are the major changes happening around here lately. and in case you were wondering, i am 18 weeks along and the baby is now apparently the size of a sweet potato. we find out next week (a week from today!! eek!!!) whether we will be welcoming a girl or boy into our crazy little family, and of course we will be thrilled with either (come on girl!!). okay, yes. i want a girl.. but i'll be happy as long as our little baby is healthy like a good little mommy : ).

come on girl!! ; )